it is very impotent.

July 27, 2007

this is great:

it reminds me…

in grade 10, i wrote a paper for my english media class. i can’t remember what it was on (probably over-analyzing the significance of an advertisement or possibly pointing out the precision of its parody), but i remember this time i was quite happy with what had come of my chronic literary constipation. it was and still is extremely rare that i feel satisfied with any of my writing, but this one seemed to be a relatively unobstructed, so to speak, exercise. that was, of course, until it was returned to me and one typo was circled on page 2: ‘pubic’ instead of ‘public’. for once i didn’t shudder in horror over the mistake, i laughed. i laughed hard. particularly at my teacher’s note: ‘rather unfortunate typo.’ mr. twight always had a good sense of humour.

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optimus prime.

the autobots.

megatron, the decepticons.

yes, i’m into transformers. as a kid, i used to watch it with my older brother religiously¬†(and sometimes my older sisters too) . i remember how it changed the way i looked at the tape deck of the family’s stereo system and how trucks on the highway took on a whole new life.

over a year ago, my oldest sister, who i never remember actually getting into the show, sent out an email to the family: ‘it’s coming. the feature length, live action version of one of our favourite childhood television shows: transformers.’ with no indication as to when said film would be released, i was able to keep the excitement at bay.

last summer, my brother sent out another email: a link to the website for the transformers movie. giddiness filled me. this was a good sign. it’s coming…. ‘soon’ said the website.

of course by now, one can’t walk down the street in any given city without encountering posters of the transformers movie – out this summer. despite having been released in north america earlier this month, sneak previews have only recently begun in the uk. i know this because a couple who caught a sneak preview almost ruined the entire movie for me yesterday. let me explain:

after doing some work late yesterday afternoon, i called it a day and hopped on a bus to go home. tragically, as i got on, the battery of my mp3 player died. sad, yes, but no big deal. i went to grab a seat upstairs as i usually do, and stare listlessly out the window. i found a couple empty seats across the aisle from a very chatty couple… a couple who were being very chatty about the sneak preview of the transformers movie they had just seen, recounting the ‘awesome’ bits of the movie, discussing how the plot allowed or disallowed for a sequel, how it was so good they would go to see it again in the theatres… when i realized what i was passively eavesdropping on, i quickly covered my ears and started to sing to myself to block them out, ‘transformers, more than meets the eye. transformers, robots in disguise.’ i quickly ran downstairs where a screaming baby drowned out any hope of overhearing the couple, but it was a close call.

let that be a lesson – be careful out there. until you’ve seen the film you’ve been anxiously awaiting for over a year, nowhere is safe. and if you see me out and about, don’t even think about mentioning the movie to me whether or not you’ve seen it. my automatic reaction to hearing any reference to transformers until i see the movie myself will be to hit you and fold you into a cassette tape.

black like me.

July 22, 2007

black google = http://www.blackle.com/

blackle

it doesn’t have all the same search engine features, but it’s a start. find out more:

http://www.blackle.com/about/

while cleaning my room this afternoon, i came across a great many things i didn’t recognize. i have the tendency to pick up random pieces of information wherever i go, but never bother to look at them, which is why when these things make their way home with me, i don’t recognize them upon their rediscovery months later.
if these things can act as a barometer to my social life on some level, i would say things have been busy. business cards from galleries, artists, architects, press releases from exhibition openings, postcards, stickers, pamphlets, from london, berlin and even my trip a couple months ago to scotland. clearly, i have not cleaned my room in quite some time.

and then i came across a letter in an envelop which was not addressed to me nor did it look as if it had ever been sealed. in it, the letter had a paper clip affixing a business card to its first page. with no recollection of ever picking such an item up from anywhere and no obvious signs that it had arrived in the post for me, i was more than a little confused.

dated friday, 15th june 2007.

i didn’t recognize the address of the author nor his name.

‘dear viewer,

re: occupancy at 18 greenheys drive’

i have no idea where that is.

‘at first i didn’t feel much had changed. sure i have no one to split the cost of utilities with anymore, and no one to play video games with into the early hours. but neither am i exposed to scenes of explicit love making on the landing, and i can’t remember the last time i woke up to discover, in a fashion similiar to the three bears, that someone had eaten my Greek style yogurt: leaving my morning muesli dry and indigestible.

four months passed, and i became used to his absence and somewhat comforted by the sound of my own voice…’

some humour, but still not getting why this might be in my possession.

further down page one (of two double sided pages. the last side is not text):

‘looking back it is quite frightening just how quickly this metamorphosis has taken place; but living alone has worked as a kind of catalyst, transforming a relatively normal me, into a he that i am ashamed to take out (or at least i would be if i wasn’t so crazy). most quietly hormonal men in their early twenties do not live alone. they share with friends, a girlfriend, or of course mum and dad; and so they feel obliged to live by a set of simple guidelines:

the toilet door must be closed when in use.

clothes should be worn during the day.

and masturbation kept to rooms private to the individual (a bathroom or bedroom, but rarely a kitchen) .

when elliott lived with me i abided by these rules. as many do, to fit in and not make a spectacle out of oneself. but on living alone, my obligation to these rules has begun to dwindle. this started with a few small gestures, more out of laziness than anything. the toilet perhaps missed a flush here and there. dirty dishes piled above the dishwasher until no clean ones remained. showers became less frequent as i slowly became immune to my own odour, and my diet became painfully regular and [turn the page] systematic. but these cannot be misconstrued in retrospect as rebellious acts against society. After all, what liberation can be had by a hermit.’

it definitely got a few laughs. as it neared the end, it became a bit more random and bizarre as he described hallucinating, but apparently not because he was on drugs. either way, it showed imagination and some effort.

actually, it turned out the author was looking for a new housemate, hence the floor plans and photos on the back of the second page, and the rather long-winded explanation as to why he is looking for one now after living solo for some time.

i was able to deduce (not based on the letter itself, but the items it had been grouped with on my floor) that i had picked this envelop up at a recent gallery opening and took it thinking it was information regarding the artists, the show, the gallery, or all of the above. it was none.
despite the creativity and obvious sense of humour on the part of this author (who is a freelance filmmaker and video artist according to his card), i hesitate to pass this along to a friend of mine who is currently looking for a home. the location is a bit far, but not out of range. and it’s not the admission that as a result of his adopted semi-nudist lifestyle, he has repeatedly burned his groin with ‘splattering vegetable oil’ while cooking sans clothing. no, it’s his spelling: when ‘won’t’ didn’t have an apostrophe i cringed so intensely i thought the wrinkle at the top of my nose could snap my glasses in two.

i wish him all the best, but he won’t be getting any help with his search from me… except maybe this blog entry… who knows…

ow.

July 13, 2007

i am a toast lover. i love toast.

but goddamnit, why does it always cut up the roof of my mouth?? painful, yes, but endured for the enjoyment of ingesting the best thing since sliced bread. toasted sandwich? yes please!

mmm… toast.

nifty toast

mmm… automatic toast….

mosaic by numbers.

July 7, 2007

mosaic by numbers

berlin-june-july-2007-287.jpgjust chillin’ in berlin with mj…